


Strength in What Remains

by AwayLaughing



Category: Naruto
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Fluff and Angst, Lost Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-13
Updated: 2014-02-13
Packaged: 2018-01-12 04:47:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1182098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwayLaughing/pseuds/AwayLaughing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shikamaru dies, but then again he doesn't. Neji dies, and he's most assuredly staying that way. In the nature of all meetings between the definite and indefinite - the collision stings but the damage is invisible. </p><p> </p><p>  <i>“Why am I here?” he asks, feeling the gentle pressure of Neji's thumb at the corner of his mouth.</i></p><p> </p><p>  <i>“Think of it,” Neji says, voice dry as Suna's winds, “as a cosmic waiting room."</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Strength in What Remains

**Author's Note:**

  * For [quelacindy](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=quelacindy).



> This is a prompt fic by tumblr's quelacindy. Usually I write in an AU verse where Neji doesn't die, but Cindy is very awesome and amazing so she gets what she requested. I hope you all enjoy this little piece.

Death, Shikamaru thinks, is a whole lot more boring than he hoped it would be. Sure, it's not some featureless plain of existence – there is a tree to give shade on a nice hill and the sun is shining and the grass is fragrant, but there are no clouds, and nothing else around. Or at least, that's what he thinks for about two seconds before something in the entire area _shifts_ and suddenly, he's not alone. His heart, which for some reason continues to beat – stops and his mouth goes dry.

 

For a long moment neither he nor Neji speak.

 

“I was expecting dad,” Shikamaru says at last, because he's a jerk, apparently. Neji gives him that familiar level look, the one that used to be the prelude to his and Shikamaru's hissed, back alley arguments, infrequent as they were.

 

“I could leave,” Neji says, and Shikamaru, who is posed in his usual relaxed manner against the tree sighs, barely stopping to jump up and physically restrain Neji. It was pointless, after all. And the other would probably just throw him into the tree, anyway.

 

“You know that's not what I meant,” he says, not looking as Neji comes and sits down next to him. He doesn't even look at Neji when the other grabs his hand, mindlessly tracing patterns along the back. Shikamaru does, however, resist the urge to pull away, even if his whole body tenses.

 

“I did not get to say good bye,” Neji says at last, voice a little rougher than usual. A little more easy to read. His pattern tracing stops, fingers tangling with Shikamaru's. Shikamaru squeezes his eyes closed, fighting back stupid, pointless tears.

 

“Why would you need to?” he asks, “I'm...” dead. Dying, maybe. He's not sure, and even less sure he wants to know.

 

“You're fine,” Neji says, voice smoothing out. “Or – you could be, if you wanted. You're not...dead...yet.”

 

“But you are.” Shikamaru turns to look at Neji as he speaks, knowing the answer but wishing he didn't. Neji's face doesn't twitch much, save a tightening around his eyes, a pinch of regret in the otherwise calm set of his features.

 

Shikamaru feels like he's been punched, and the tears return to sting at his eyes. “Gods dammit, Neji,” Shikamaru says, unable to keep looking him in the eye, even when a warm hand cups his chin. “Why am I here?” he asks, feeling the gentle pressure of Neji's thumb at the corner of his mouth.

 

“Think of it,” Neji says, voice dry as Suna's winds, “as a cosmic waiting room. You're in...limbo...I guess.”

 

“So I can go back?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Shikamaru pries his eyes open, “or I could...go with you.”

 

Neji gives him a pained look, and ducks his head so they're foreheads press. Shikamaru doesn't wince at the familiar cold-bite of metal, just relishes the oh-so familiar pressure and the heat coming off Neji's body. “Yes,” he says. “You could.”

 

“But I won't,” Shikamaru says - “mum, and – and Ino and Chōji and fucking Naruto's gonna run Konoha into an idealistic hole in the ground if I -” _if I follow my heart._

 

“Indeed,” Neji agrees.

 

“Fuck,” Shikamaru says. “You _do_ like to make things hard, don't you?” He tries, he really tries, to glare at Neji, but he can't. He just...stares at him like a lovesick puppy. Especially when Neji gives him that crooked, so very rare smirk.

 

“Never take the easy road,” he says, an echo of Shikamaru's own teasing so long ago. His hand hasn't left Shikamaru's chin, his thumb still moving in tiny, comforting circles. Shikamaru brings his own hand up to Neji's wrist – planing to stop him – but stops when skin touches skin. “Shikamaru...”

 

Shikamaru knows that voice. It was the voice Asuma used when he was finally freed of the Edo Tensei, the voice his dad used when telling Shikamaru to care for his mother. “Don't Neji,” he pleads, eyes slipping shut again. Don't say it. It's pointless.

 

“Shikamaru...”

Pointless. Everything now, so painfully pointless.

 

“Don't you fucking dare,” Shikamaru hisses, still refusing to open his eyes.

 

“I love you.”

 

Shikamaru's been stabbed before – this hurts more. It only gets worse when the hand on his chin shifts to cradle his head, the other hand joining on the other side, and Neji's nose nudges his. “Why-” Shikamaru can't finished the question because his voice cracks and a tear slips out. Dammit. “Why I are you so fucking _cruel_ , dammit?” his eyes snap open as he speaks, trying to at least look angrier than he sounds. Neji stares back, his usually unreadable, paper-blank eyes soft and understanding. It's like being suckerpunched _in the soul_.

 

“Consider it a last bit of selfishness,” Neji says, “and an apology, for not saying it when it counted most.”

 

Shikamaru considers hitting him – breaking his nose maybe because Neji's _dead_ and it will probably heal up anyway – but his anger is as a fleeting as air and lacks the sting of wind. He closes his eyes again, miserable as he lets their heads touch again.

 

It gets worse – of course it does – when Neji kisses him. It's gentle and insistent and Shikamaru melts into it like he does every damn time, knowing this is the last damn time.

 

Finally Neji pulls away, not because they need breath buy because Shikamaru places a hand on his arm and squeezes gently.

 

“I need to go,” he says. Neji nods.

 

“You'll be back – of that I can be sure.”

 

“Gee – thanks,” Shikamaru says, but a smile tugs at his lips. “Are you sure it hasn't been too long or something? I mean – if I'm dead...” Neji shakes his head, and pressed down for another kiss.

 

Even with both their mouths closed, it tastes like an ending.

 

“This,” Neji says in a whisper, “won't have taken longer than the time between heart beats. I promise.”

 

“I'll miss you,” Shikamaru's voice is a match for Neji's – barely audible beneath the birdsong and whispering grass.

 

“Don't.”

 

“That I _won't_ promise.”

 

Neji chuckles sadly. “Fine, but don't pine, at least.”

 

“I don't pine,” Shikamaru says, “I'm not a tree.” The pun is bad – Kiba level, even – and Neji lets him know it by levelling him with a level 5 Hyuuga glare. Mild, but pointed. “So I'll...see you around, I guess,” Shikamaru says, shifting into a stand. Neji follows – death has not robbed him of his grace it seems.

 

“Assuredly,” Neji says. “Good bye, Shikamaru.”

 

“Good bye Neji,” Shikamaru says, and after a pause adds, “I love you too.” It's the only time he's said it, and the last, maybe.

 

Neji looks away, his hair a curtain shielding his own pain. “Always,” Neji says, “and forevermore. Don't ever doubt that.”

 

Shikamaru doesn't get to reply. The world shifts again, and Shikamaru _slams_ back into his body violently. Around him he can smell blood and dirt, the air is heavy with yelling and the gentle buzz of Ino's technique. Faintly, he catches a last whiff of sweet grass and singing birds, and he grins, forcing himself to sit up.

 

“I'm fine,” he tell a hovering Chōji, “did you think I'd leave you two alone?”

 

“Of course not,” Ino scoffs, dutifully burying the tremble in her voice. Shikamaru lets her have that. He understands all too well.

 

 _Sorry Neji – and you too dad. We'll see each other later_ , he manages to stand with some help from Chōji. _For now, I'm needed here, more._

**Author's Note:**

>  _What though the radiance which was once so bright_  
>  Be now for ever taken from my sight,  
> Though nothing can bring back the hour  
> Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;  
> We will grieve not, rather find  
>  **Strength in what remains** behind
> 
>  
> 
> \- William Wordsworth, Ode. 536, Imitations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood.
> 
> (now that you've read I'll note, I'm not super happy with the voices but inspiration struck and I'm short for time - please review if you can find the time/have an account. If you DO have the time but lack the account, my tumblr is awayandlaughing and you can always send me an ask, or send me a PM on fanfiction where I am awaylaughing)


End file.
